Switching Glasses
by Kawaii Usagi-hime
Summary: Alfred and Berwald switch glasses.
1. Switching Glasses

Based on a convo with livewithstyle on deviantART

Also…for the lolz…Sweden's glasses are Ikea…true fax.

I don't own Hetalia~

* * *

America walked up to Sweden and Finland as they left the World Conference hall. "Hey, Berwald!"

The tall blonde turned and America flinched a tiny bit. Though he wouldn't admit it out loud, the ex-Viking gave him the creeps and he commended poor Finland on being that man's wife. "Wh't dya w'nt, Alfr'd?"

Alfred froze for a slight second then broke into his usual goofy grin. He gently took Texas off his face and handled the frames carefully. "Let's switch frames for a week!"

"Y'u'r g'v'ng m' Tex's?" The Swede said with light surprise.

"Yeah! It'd be fun! So…want to?"

Finland watched the scene then frowned…Texas was a pretty big state…only Alaska was bigger, so he wasn't worried about Alfred's frames breaking, but…rather. The Finn looked up to his 'husband' and wondered if he'd be so willing to take a state from Alfred for a whole week…and in exchange entrust Ikea to the American.

Sweden surprised both his wife and made Alfred a happy man. "S're…m'ght b' f'n." And with that, he removed his glasses and handed them out to Alfred.

"Awesome!" Alfred said, ignoring the 'that's my word' from Prussia, and gently traded Texas for Sweden's glasses…for Ikea…oh Lord help us all!

"Y'u h've sh'tty ey's'ght." Berwald commented as he slipped on the frames. "I h'pe m'wife w'n't h've t' d' t'o m'ch…"

"I-I'll be fine. Don't worry about me." Tino said, automatically holding onto Berwald's arm to help him if he starts veering off course…the blind Swede is about as bad…if not worse as a rampaging linebacker on an American football team.

"Well your eyesight is nothing to praise yourself!" Alfred retorted waving his hands in front of him like a mad man. "Didja get hit to many times in the Viking days?"

A grunt told Alfred he better shut up before he gets his insides on his outside. Luckily, the American heeded the warning and cooled his jets. "Hey Iggy! Iggy!" He cried instead looking for the wayward Englishman.

Unfortunately…for Arthur…he had heard Alfred's cries and went over. "What do you want you stupid American…are those…SWEDEN'S spectacles?"

Alfred nodded making the frames jostle a bit. "Yeah we traded frames for a week! It'll be so much fun!"

Arthur…out of habit only…or so he chanted to himself, fixed the frames on the American and sighed. "You willing gave Texas to Sweden…well…at least I know Texas will get out of this unscratched. I feel sorry for Ikea stores world wide though…Mc Donald's will be inside all of them, mark my words."

Berwald visibly paled even though his gaze only turned stonier…and earned a whimper from Finland. Apparently, Mc Donald's and Ikea cannot mix ever lest the Viking days return to the world and some poor nation gets the full brunt of it…i.e. America.

"P-Please…take good care of Ikea, Alfred…" Tino whimpered hoping a verbal agreement would appease the aura emitting from Sweden.

"Of course! Ikea is the best store on the planet…after Wal-Mart of course!" The American said brightly.

Finland paled…didn't some Wal-Mart stores have Mc Donald's in them? "J-just don't go adding Mc Donald's to them!"

Alfred sighed. "Why would I do that? Everyone knows the Swedish Chef will murder me if I do."

Finland felt Sweden tense under his fingers and, once again, whimpered. Oh America please, please, PLEASE don't evoke the wrath of Berwald Oxensteirna. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS GOOD AND HOLY DON'T MEANTION THAT MUPPET!

Arthur sighed and smacked Alfred on the back of the head. "Shut up about that damned Muppet or I'LL strangle you myself!"

This seemed to pull the American out of his offending stupor and before he can do any more damage, England dragged the yank by an arm. "He'll return Ikea back in one piece or so help me God I'll make him pay with blood!"

Tino sighed lightly in relief. "Seems like the Pirate Era's still fresh in him." Earning a grunt from the Swede.

-One Week Later-

The exchange was swift and Alfred could FINALLY see clearly again. "That was fun, but I'm glad I have Texas back…my boss was wondering about it."

Berwald nearly kissed Ikea, but just slipped them on and patted Finland on his head. "'m f'ne n'w, m'wife. Y'u d'd w'll."

Finland blushed a bit and muttered something about not being the wife, but had a bright smile on his face at the praise.

Alfred paled. "T-Texas had a blizzard…A BLIZZARD…WITH A THOUSAND FEET OF SNOW!"

"J'st t'n f'et…" Berwald said softly. "M'wife m'de th'm c'co."

"Their power went out state wide and it was mass chaos. Their governor broke down in tears…it was…a sad sight. T-they'll thaw out though! W-we took good care of them!" Tino reassured Alfred…who obviously wasn't comforted by this. "U-umu…w-we'll pay for any damages if you want."

Alfred shook his head. "No…Texas is strong…always was. She'll pull through!" He then smiled brightly. "Oh…check out Ikea…I gave it a Super Hero worthy makeover!" He then ran off to find England.

Sweden paled and yanked off his glasses. "H' p't h's fl'g 'll ov'r m'st're! 'm g'nna K'LL h'm!"

America was then forced by Sweden, Finland, and England to clean every Ikea store in the world from top to bottom with NO breaks and NO hamburgers until he finished as punishment.


	2. Sweden's Week

Written diary style~

Say hello to my Texas OC Lolita Jones! And yes her appearance is a rip-off of female!America 'cause I'm lazy like that…but she has…the CURL!…and a beaded Native American tassel in her hair. If you guys like her, I can make stories revolved around her if y'all want.

* * *

-Day 1-

I'm pissed. I keep running into random shit, getting headaches, and what topped it all off with a cherry…my beloved wife was worried sick and having to do everything! Damn Alfred. Well I did agree so…damn you too Berwald. Hell, I'm surprised I can even write this shit down on paper without help. Damn glasses.

Though…an odd thing did occur. A girl, around sixteen years of age, with shoulder-length, wavy, golden hair and bright, sapphire blue eyes showed up in a pink, plaid button down; dark blue, boot-cut jeans; brown cowboy boots and a pink cowboy hat showed up an hour after my wife and I returned to the cottage.

She said her name was Lolita and that she was Texas. I found it odd…I was expecting a…well man…and an older one at that. She's just a bit older than my Peter…at least he'll have a new playmate now. She's nice enough…though she demanded less 'yucky smelling food' and can have potty mouth…Alfred's states are odd people indeed. I had to confiscate her guns (earning me more swears…she's pretty scary)…she can put Switzerland to shame.

She helps my wife around the house, which is good...more than what I was expecting. I need to give Alfred more credit if his states are like this. I have to all but take away Peter's XBOX to get him to do his chores.

She rambles in Spanish sometimes...it's not annoying more so than it is hard to understand. Didn't Spain raise her…and France? Oh that poor girl…two of the Bad Touch Trio raised her…and now Alfred's rearing her…I pity her…I really do. At least she's not scared of me…I guess it's a kid thing?

I hope Ikea is doing okay…I had my wife check the nearest store and so far nothing's wrong…let's just hope it lasts.

~Berwald Oxenstierna

-Day 2-

Hanatamago made a new friend…though I don't think bacon is good for dogs. Lolita and Peter used the puppy face forcing me to yield to the cuteness and allow the dog to eat bacon. Damn my weakness for cute things.

It's getting warmer, but Lolita's sick now…she all cold and shaking. My wife gave her the warmest blanket in the house and she's still shaking like a leaf. Currently, the girl is in my lap hogging my body heat…or trying to…my wife says I'm a very warm person, and said Texan is asleep…I'll put her in Peter's room later.

~Berwald Oxenstierna

-Day 3-

Okay…that's FUCKING it. I will BREAK these damn frames if it's the LAST thing I do. Why?

Nearly broke my neck tripping down the fucking stairs. (Wanted to let my wife sleep)

Hanatamago suddenly though it was 'drag Berwald day' during our walk. (My wife took pity on me and managed to untangle the mess that resulted)

FUCKING Denmark came over and nearly molested the ill Lolita (earning a swift kick to the ass from me…but I ended up tripping on the return walk to the couch and bruised my shin…damn the Danes)

I keep calling Alfred, but it goes to voicemail…he's probably making Arthur a very unhappy Brit.

Fuck. My. LIFE!

~Berwald Oxenstierna

-Day 4-

Lolita got a call at five am from her boss (some dude named Rick Perry, but she called him 'Governor'). The state of Texas was hit by a blizzard. Now, I'm not too well versed in Texan weather, but I knew snow did not cover the entire state in winter…well fuck. On the other side of the Atlantic and it got hit by a blizzard! The poor girl is in hysterics! Luckily, her ranch hand called and said her animals were fine and that seemed to calm her. My wife also sent hot cocoa packets to the freezing state…at least I know why Lolita's sick…her climate's gone haywire and her economy has temporarily shut down due to no one able to do ANYTHING in Texas…I hope they don't die…Alfred would KILL me!

Speaking of the girl…she's talking to someone on her cellphone…in Spanish so it's not that Perry guy. It can't be Spain because even I know "mi amour" means "my love" and Spain is with Romano…so I have to do some recon…damn my Papa senses. My wife knows who it is because he's always giggling with her about it…damn my not being wife enough to know these things. (I personally feel sorry for Peter and whomever he falls in love with…I should invest in a shotgun…or sharpen my sword.)

And Alfred's still not answering his phone…damn him.

~Berwald Oxenstierna

-Day 5-

Kill me now! Kill. Me. NOW! I'll have a permanent migraine I swear to Thor! And when did it get so FUCKING hot? It's like one thousand suns are beating down! My people have resorted to swimming and eating ice cream to cool off…this HAS to do with having Texas now…

I STILL haven't figured out Mister Sexy Spanish-speaking Man's identity. Since Alfred is currently MIA, I'm letting Papa mode go hog wild with the blonde cowgirl and I'll get to the bottom of this or my name isn't Berwald Oxenstierna!

~Berwald Oxenstierna

-Day 6-

Okay. I'm sweating, I'm hot, and I'm shirtless…this is NOT NORMAL IN SWEDEN! I have henceforth removed the frames off my face, but it is still SO FUCKING HOT!

Good news. Mister Sexy Spanish-speaking Man is Mexico…and I'm going to kick his ass next world meeting. Why yes, yes I am thinking of Lolita as my own child. Sure she can be brash, crude, and…let's face it like Denmark and Alfred had a lovechild (more like Spain and France's doing), but she can be really sweet when she wants to. She already 'saved' Peter from the evil 'Boogyman' despite her still present cold (damn the weather) and Hanatamago was 'saved' from the ever 'Vaccum Cleaner of DOOM'…I hope not very state of Alfred's inherited the Hero Complex…

Alfred's still MIA…Lolita tried calling him, but got nothing…she even called Arthur (Peter is STILL laughing from when she called the British man 'Mama Arthur') and got nothing. Maybe Arthur kicked that American bastard out…oh well at least this all ends tomorrow.

~Berwald Oxenstierna

-Day 7-

I'm writing this before the exchange…so far all Ikea stores are doing well (thank Thor), the blizzard in Texas is over…LUCKILY (more like MIRACULOUSLY…pussy Texans) no one was seriously hurt or killed (just lots of hypothermia). Lolita went home (or to Mexico…damn that Mexican) and now we're leaving for the meeting.

~Berwald Oxenstierna

Post-meeting Entry

I kicked Mexico's ass. Okay, I just gave him a stern talking to, but he got the message. Hurt Texas and not only will America bomb his sorry ass Sweden and Finland will too (well I'm not so sure about Finland, but my wife seemed to have gotten attached to the girl.)

What pissed me the fuck off though was…AMERICA PUT HIS GODDAMN FLAG ALL OVER MY IKEA! I wanted to maim him, but my wife and Arthur had a better idea…and I have to admit…it was satisfying watching that American bastard clean every Ikea store in the world.

I'm NEVER doing this again…I have to go get more pain killers…I hope my migraine isn't permanent.

~Berwald Oxenstierna


	3. America's Week

-Day 1-

I can't believe it! That big Swede agreed to switch glasses! Sure Lolita got pissed off…I bet that damn French moron gave that colorful vocabulary to her. The conversation is as follows.

"You're a jackass! How dare you do this to me Daddy! A heroine like me would never do something this fucking stupid! It'd be like Batman and Superman switching costumes. It just doesn't fucking work!"

I have to pass that idea on to the comic staff…Batman and Superman switching uniforms WOULD BE FUCKING EPIC! I feel sorry for Sweden if he pisses her off, but I doubt he can…from what Finland said he's nice (which I don't believe he's fucking scary!)

Iggy's currently helping me. Damn I love that man so fucking much! He's doing everything…I just wish he wouldn't cook…I don't want to die!

~ Alfred F. Jones

-Day 2-

Boss called today…I had to ditch the meeting with him and he got PISSED! When I told him why he practically cussed me out! Don't worry Mr. President, the HERO will be alright!

Iggy trying feed me his charcoal shit…I've been using it as fertilizer for this plant he has…may that plant R.I.P.

~ Alfred F. Jones

-Day 3-

IGGY KICKED ME OUT! WHAT THE FUCK MAN? All I did was have him do everything then complain when he didn't get me Mac Donald's!

SHIT, I left my phone at Iggy's! Meh I'll get it later.

~ Alfred F. Jones

-Day 4-

My head hurts…I'm outside Iggy's place…hopefully he'll let me in to get my phone…and food. I'm glad this isn't Russia…I'd be frozen by now…

IGGY LET ME IN! Maybe a love song…no he'll think I'm Francis…and I do not want THAT treatment.

~ Alfred F. Jones

-Day 5-

I LOVE Iggy! He took me back in and I got Mac Donald's and a huge blanket, and kisses…okay not kisses, but I got…sorta pity? Anyway, it's awesome I got help again!

~ Alfred F. Jones

-Day 6-

My head still hurts…booze didn't help at all…made it worse…going to sleep it off now…

~ Alfred F. Jones

-Day 7-

Today is the day! Don't cry Lolita! Your HEROIC Daddy is coming!

~ Alfred F. Jones

Post-meeting Entry

I CAN SEE, IT'S A MIRACLE! Chewy got beat up…poor Mexican…I wonder why? Oh well. Lolita's getting over her cold…I don't think I'll trade a state again…she kinda got mad again and went all Switzerland on my ass…she's fucking SCARY! I hope she and Switzerland never meet…that'd be one hellish friendship!

No WONDER Chewy gave her to me…oh right…she won her own freedom. Yes…she is behind me cussing in Spanish, but I fixed it! Now I know how Iggy feels. Where did I go wrong with her?

~ Alfred F. Jones


End file.
